Homo Scientificus ??

As always....most of my blog posts are inspired this way.Makes you wonder what I'm thinking of when I'm chatting with you on the phone , eh? Back to the point of course...I got thinking, are scientists a whole new breed? Are we a species so far removed from the world, that a brief description would read more like a survivors guide?

I continued to ponder earlier mentioned qaundry..hmmmm
Let us christen our universe 'Eppendorfia'....and peer into its mysterious workings...

Romance in our universe

Ahh candy fluff...none that is as saccharine as-
"Your gels are a marvel to behold"
"How steady be thy loading hand"
"How gently you lyse your cells"
"This chromatogram has such clear peaks...almost.." well never mind that one..!!!

Insults On Eppendorfia...

No saccharine without stupidity eh...

"You are as skewed as a nanodrop reading on tiny quantities of DNA"
" I would put your P-value at 0.01"
" You are about as enchanting to listen to as a sonicator"
"For one, even your bugs ( read E.coli) smell better than you"
And the ultimate put-down....Read do not pursue this one..
" I would rather read papers/write my thesis/submit an abstract than go out with you"

Songs that reverberate down in these depths...

Lysing me softly
One last prep
Enter Bossman
Bugs on Parade
Smells like pure spirit

And for the R&B in us
In da lab ( this one is really doing well!)
Broke forever ( Jay-Z nailed it here!)

When it comes to movies, we have the coolest lil theater in town...Inflickogen has been singing profit all month long

The Dark slide
Quantum of Sleep
High School Aerosol ( who doesn't like a good musical?)
What happens in P3..

In addition , there is this video that is really doing the rounds.A fellow 'dorfian you-tubed it for me , it explains wonderfully the process of protein synthesis,for I can't believe that anything should trouble you more...watch it here


There....that de-mystifies our race I believe...hah..and you thought we were hard to untangle? ( accompanied by derisive shake of head!hmph!)

PS...for my fellow Eppendorfians , news has it that Harry Potter is back from a conference and ready for a new semester,read all about it in 'Harry Potter and the disorder of the Plasmids'

The tube stayed open....

So after another long hiatus from this..Im back!!! Only because I love spoofs so much, partly because I'm lazy to actually write my own songs, and of course heavily because I'm going to the CREED concert this weekend...I came up with this...

May I never rest in peace for this...forgive me!


The tube was open

When I just heard the news today
It seems my gel is going to change
I close my eyes ,begin to sway
The tears of rage stream down my face

The tube stayed open
All day,all night
The abstract's a waste
Throw away everything
The tube stayed open
Stayed open....

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To face my boss,the God that be
I'll take a deep breath,Ill slip him some wine
I shake my head,Haven't created mice.

The tube stayed open
Oh that UV light
The abstract's a waste
Throw away everything.
The tube stayed open..
Now my promise has changed
I'll show you life
I'll show you mice reverting
The tube stayed open
The tube stayed open
I'll dream of mice reverting..oh yeah
The tube stayed open...wide open.

If I had just one dream
Only one desire
I hope they have one for me
I hope he works real hard
Then I can rule his life
And this can drive him mad
And he can clone the world
New guy on rotation.

The tube stayed open
All day,all night
Welcome to this place
Now I've seen everything,
The tube stayed open
Now I'm going insane
I'll sing for mice
I'll do anything
The tube stayed open
The tube stayed open
I can do anything..oh yeah
Back to lab at ten....at ten.

Everything I do...

This is getting to be quite the addiction.Every morning...with the reassuring hum of a million machines behind me,I can barely wait to dump my newest concoction into xyz instrument,shut it lovingly...offer a few minutes in prayer that Zesco ( Local power suppliers) will be kind, that the machine will not be moved to a new home mid-experiment,that the rats continue to think its Sunday...and that it doesn't rain...( well I just don't like the rain..!)..Once done..blogspot beckons ..and here I am..again!

So I'm continuing..a tirade I launched here with a new spoof.This one is (sniff) a song by Bryan Adams ( gasp!...how dare I !!!)...This is just my lonely rebellion..against all things pink,decorated with hearts and requiring a dedicated 24 hours so one can drown in their diabetic slush...Not that anything will change...only perhaps with every passing year,I may seem more and more like a bitter old lady with no one to love her ..raving and ranting at all those lucky (?) girls with dramtically gushing and effusively coiffed partners..Perhaps I should get a snake...that would complete my look...While I set off in search of a slithering friend...here is my offering ..


Everything hour I spend .....

Look into my lens-you will see
How well you grow on LB
Search your plate- search for growth
And if I find you there, I'll search no more.

Don't tell me it's not worth cloning for
You can't tell me it's not worth hoping for,
You know its true
Everyday I spend,I spend it with you.

( Sung to the contamination)

Look into my eyes-you will find ,
Theres nowhere left to hide
I'll take you to de-contam,Take your life,
Its all for science,worth the sacrifice.

( Back to my bug..my valentine!)

Don't tell me it's not worth growing for,
I can't help it,there's no colony I want more
You know its true
Every curse from me,Its all coz of you.

Theres no sight,Like blue and white
And no other love -like GFP's light
Theres no first author,unless you're there
I'll grow you up..all the way

Oh -you can't tell me its not worth starving for
I can't help it,I'm hungry no more
I would sing to you, buy a new loop for you,
Buy a new flask for you - ya I'd move in with you.

Harry Potter and the Beaker of Fire.

Harry opened his eyes and yawned...."Wow is it 5 already!"...he rolled over and went back to sleep...Fours hours later,his cellphone beeped, Ron had sent him a text,'Where are you? We're at the Column..see you soon!'..Falling out of bed Harry raced to his closet ,threw some clothes on and tore down the road to the Leaky Column.

A bunch of his friends were already there that night.Loud music and obnoxious t-shirts greeted him too!The hole virology group was having a bar crawl that night.A few hours later..and many,many drinks down,the structure bunch got a little out of hand.They began to bully the new molecular biologists.They made them dance on the tables...turn cartwheels...it was an awful sight.Harry,Ron and Hermione hid behind the bar....while the drunken bullies let off steam.Eventually , Hermione peered around the bar,"This is ridiculous.I have a growth curve to do..I need to get going"..so saying..off she stormed.

Back at school...everything seemed normal..or as normal as Grad School can be!They quickly settled back into a routine..one gel melted into another as the days passed on.They had a new Defense against the Dark Bugs teacher,Hep E Moody.During their very first class,he said in a gravelly tone,"Put away your books...there ain't nothing in there that can help you here.Can anyone name the three Uncurable bugs?"..."Please sir ", began Hermione,"It wasn't on the reading for this week".Ron however raised his hand uncertainly..."My dad mentioned someone he knew who had one...uhh.. HPV?..""Correct Weasley..thats a nasty one", so saying he showed them an electron micrograph of it.Every so often Moody,would duck behind his deck to take a large bite of something..this shocked everyone..though no one dared mention it.To everyone's surprise,and his own,Neville raised his hand"Hmmm Professor, Hepatitis B ?".."Correct Longbottom!"He clicked on his new Macbook,and the screen lit up with its life cycle."And the last one..can anyone name this deadly killer? No one...why HIV of course!",his eyes gleaming like a mad-man,Moody zoomed in on a picture of gp120.The bell rang..and the students peeled themselves from their desks...in the halls as they walked to their next class they nodded to each other"He knows...he really knows!".

One morning , Albus Dumbledore,the Head of Departmen,t announced that Hogwarts was soon to be home to two other schools of Virology .The Magical Virology Conference was to be held at Hogwarts this year.and everyone was rather excited.Germstrang,a Russian school of Virology was to arrive first, followed shortly by Bornabatons Academy of Microbiology .All the Hogwart-ians whispered excitedly amongst themselves waiting for their guests.Germstrang arrived amid much drumming and clapping.The Head,Ebor Karkaroff was a famous Russian scientest.Off late though he was more often in the news for his lapses of delusion.He had worked with Voldemort,the retrovirus and had once been one of the brightest Retroviral minds.Somewhere along the way however,his mind unhinged...Today, he could be heard telling anyone who would care to listen that he was responsible for the discovery of Voldemort...that his Nobel was snatched from him!

Bornabatons Academy was headed by Madame Marburg.She was publishing Giant, well known for her work on large genomed viruses.She expected a great deal of hard work from her students..and her lab was famous as one where first years often slept at their bench.

Participants for the Conference were to be decided by the Beaker of Fire.Dumbledore announced the rules one morning,"Only students who have one first author paper can apply.A student who wishes to participate must submit his/her name on a piece of litmus paper into a beaker on a burner.We call this the 'litmus test'.However I must warn you, if you do not meet the condition , the consequences will be severe...."A loud uproar broke out in the hall,"That's not fair! The editors don't like us.Its not our fault! I am working on a resubmission!Someone scooped me!"..and on it went.

Fred and George,riding a wave of fresh disappointment,their last commitee meeting having crucified them,decided rashly to enter.They added their names to the beaker, and walked away!..The effect was immediate.The slip with their names burst into flames and turned into a Howler.It raced off to their Major Professor to say that the student had ' data' they wanted to discuss with them.Oh no!!

The following day,Dumbledore took the beaker off the burner and gingerly read the names that the beaker had selected.Fibro Delacoux,Corona Krum ,Chlamydic Diggory...and Harry Potter!!!!! "Harry, how did you enter your name into the beaker? Do you know what this means? You must now present at the Conference!..This is binding!".Harry stumbled forward in a daze,"But but sir..I don't know how my name got in.I didn't enter..I don't have enough data to present!".The other teachers gathered around bewildered...all agreed however, that Harry would have to participate.

"This is so unfair..I don't know enough ", said Harry..desperately trying to finish his poster."Pictio"he howled,summoning the suitable gel pictures to complete the poster.The Conference had three arms - A poster presentation,An abstract presentation and a quiz.It started off badly for Harry, for during the poster presentation while trying to put up his,managed to knock someone elses off.Grumbling he bent over to pick it up, when a girl hissed at him,"Take your own only,leave the other one!"...What ever happened to being helpful! The quiz went off without a hitch...the abstract however was another story.Every person in the crowd,Moody included ,went straight for the jugular.Fending off their questions the best he could,Harry hoped that he could disappear..."Why did you use that enzyme?Why didn't use use a nested PCR? What temperatures were these done at?"..and on it went.At the end of it..everyone agreed that Harry had managed credibly..and that his research had direction! He was even awarded 'Most promising research 09'.."Yipee...guaranteed funding! No more TA-ing!"...celebrated Harry!! Harry's competitor Chlamydic Diggory,disillusioned by the comments he got and the holes in his theory ,however,quit grad school.( Note from the author: Diggory is doing well.He found employment in a Software firm,just bought his third Lexus and was most recently spotted holidaying on the Galapagos Islands)

Harry meandered over to a quiet section of the hall.Moody,looking rather grim ,cornered him.He began,"Well congratulations Harry! Well done...But let me be honest with you.No point shielding you eh? Hmm..I don't this project will go much further.You've done well...but the parameters just don't add up.Come..now show me your future plans.Lets sit there shall we?"..so saying he led him into the deserted library.Dumbledore,watching the whole thing out of the corner of his eye raced over to them.Snatched up Harry's book, and grabbed Moody.

"Who are you ?The real Moody wouldn't discourage a 4th year!", so saying he waved his wand and forced Moody to respond.In front of their eyes..Moody turned into someone else..shorter,thinner and with a crooked nose."Bacterial Crouch! How is this possible ?",so saying Dumbledore tipped a few drops of Veritas Complete Serum into his mouth." Well...years ago",began Crouch,"I discovered Prions.I found a way to make a prion potion that could change me into someone else as long as I kept eating rare cooked burgers every hour.I enetered Harry's name into the Beaker of Fire , I wanted to discourage Harry from this project , and then steal his data and publish it!"......Dumbledore raged silently..with a reassuring pat on Harry's back he led the fake Moody away.

A week passed.The real Moody was back,coughing wildly, from a forced imprisonment in Crouch's cold room.Harry,Hermione and Ron huddled around the lab computer,putting their mental faculties together for a game of TextTwist.Harry looked around the lab...he felt at home!

Saccharine side stepping!

Whew..I survived another one!...Valentine's day came and went without a peep...Being rather newly wed did nothing to upset my plans..or the lack thereof!

Valentine's eve saw me and Mosi standing in a line at a local gift store.A riot of red..an explosion greeted my tired eyes.( Important to note at this point might be that the oh-so-pleasant flu had come to visit that weekend.And I was at my best...sniffling,coughing and bleary eyed..ah romance!)I picked up an innocuous looking stuffed Husky dog, 'This doesn't look to revoltin--..."..The word caught in my itching throat,Gasp! A heart was attached to its white furry mouth.In no mood to appreciate a heart-wrenching ( literally) beast, we moved on!I fought through an amor'-inspired gaggle of girls..all excited,all gushing,all surreptiously grabbing the closest furry,red,heart-shaped thingamajig! No bother that a) it was three times the price b) it was useless c) it was red..and oh did I mention useless? I mean how many furry hearts can hang from a sane person's ceiling?Anyway beating through this crowd, I made it to the card section...Seriously Shilpa..you're going to buy a diabetic card for the husband? With his money? hmmm...no such thought should cross you mind,We of social networks,had a birthday party to go to.I picked the dryest,blandest card ..in yellow and blue ( Aha! My revolution against white and red!) .all it proclaimed was Happy Birthday...and thats it!Perfect, I proceeded to the check -out.Stood myself at the tail of a line from here to Timbuktu, Mosi in tow.As we crawled upto the cash register..our (my bleary) and Mosi's well trained eye fell on a tin that screamed- Valentine's Kamasutra gift S&M....hmm ! It was black and had required picture of Dominatrix looking woman in black! My helpful hubby offered..'The tin looks too small for a whip!...handcuffs perhap?'..Since the shop hadn't noticed us enough for the lack of Love-day cheer...this sure got their attention!

One battle down! We mowed our way through Friday evening traffic to get to the Birthday do!! We were met with large smiles,alcohol and cake...ahhh I can celebrate this! Too good to be true..'So what are you newly weds doing for Valentines ? '..a smile, an embarressed downward glance..."Oops meant to switch shoes!'Luckily my throat chose that moment to errupt in a fitful cough.Alarmed, our host smiled and waved to an imaginary guest....We extricated oursleves from that one..only barely!

The day dawned...rainy,gloomy and dark!We woke rather early...I was a mess.Sneezing continuously,coughing like the life was leaving me,eyes watering,nose dripping..I was a vision of romantic allure.No wonder that Mosi stood back..and gingerly helped me out of bed! I padded down the hall to the kitchen, popped my customary cough drop,and proceded to whip up a cake.Oooh..is that the mushy side we are about to expose? Fat chance, I was signed up to bake a cake for a get-together that night.A group of people here ,had organised Talent Night on Valentines.Perhaps to keep an eye on us ..the Mushy Mosis..Cake done,oven switched off and I sunk back into a codiene inspired slumber....mouth open...wheezing slightly..And that didn't encourage Valentines day plans?? Shocker that!

Later that evening, we hopped into our favourite grocery store.I bought 4 bars of chocolate...thats all.The girl behind the counter gave me a knowing smile,"Chocolate for Valentines day......!!! "...I put an end to trauma inducing images of me lolling in melted chocolate saying,"This is for a cake...for my girls night..!"....Tcchh..she looked at me appalled..
Then sashaying out the door..we ran into a good friend.He and some friends had some paintings up , all different visualisations of HIV-a world problem...So we spent the next half hour in a world of disease,sexual practices and death.All very romance inspiring for sure!

At a traffic signal on our way to Talent Night,I poked my head out the window at a guy selling roses on the road.What a day...wilting red roses cost three times the price , and they come wrapped in ghastly paper driping with hearts! Ahhh my blood sugar! Ill take a bunch..I muttered softly,lest anyone heard.Sinking lower in my seat, I ripped all the petals out into a bag right in front of his horrified eyes.He handed me my 1000 Kwacha note..and ran for his life.Once at the venue...I dumped the petals into a bowl..added a candle or two...Voila..Atmosphere!

The last of my rebellion came next."Why are you not wearing Red and White?"...piped up a friendly voice...I glanced down at my Khaki-green shirt...Hmm Jungle seduction perhaps?
Talent Night saw me take part in a dance too.A hip swinging,alluring Hawaiin dance , you ask hopefully ?..Little luck there..this was a folk tune..made only more entertaining by my valiant efforts to not sneeze on stage!

So now as I look back..I walked into nearly evert landmine Valentines day is known to bring...Chocolate,cake,flowers..dancing...cards...
Did I succumb?? No way!!!

This troop is still fighting.....and going strong!

Harry Potter and the Plagarizer of Azkaban

"Where is that dratted boy? Each time the laundry is done...Poof he vanishes!", muttered Aunt Petunia viciously."Harryyyyy" , she cried...glaring out of the window.."Oh wait, they bought a new car?"...Hmm.and Harry was soon forgotten..as were the freshly washed clothes.

Harry,our favourite wizard kid was safely ensconced in the basement.He had had a close shave on his prelims and was desperately trying to work on some data to present at Lab meeting."Ahhh colonies", he remarked rather pleased,"Now if only the digests work too...""Harrryyyyyy", a second shout broke his gleeful spell.Flustered , he snapped off his small sized gloves and raced into the kitchen.Oops double gloves!! Peeling back the second layer he presented himself to his angry aunt..Dudley , in the meanwhile had discovered the 'secret ' Virology lab in the basement.Aha..he thought..he is going to be in duck soup!! "Mom....dadddd"....... Soon..muttering under his breath, desperately forcing his pipettes into a trunk and his glove box, Harry burst from the house.Under the street lamp he stood,adjusting his micropipette."Bang!"..a loud noise made his drop the pipette..Oh No!..Salmonella Shunpike peered out of a big purple bus, "Did you call for the bus?', he asked Harry.."Bus..??" asked Harry rather unsure.."Yes the Norwalk bus..for those who don't want to walk!"..and Harry was off.....

He got off on slightly shaky legs..Looking up he smiled..The Leaky Column...! He would be safe here for a little while.He was shown to a room,soon after all comfy on the bed he lazily flipped through the newest edition of Science."Harryy.." a scream startled him" Aunt Petunia? here?...Wait she sounds younger..".. Hermione flung herself on Harry, closely followed by Ron.."Heyyy you're here", Harry beamed at them...the rest of the summer was going to be perfect.

The two weeks sped by and soon it was time to leave for School.Mr.Weasley pulled Harry aside, "Harry despite what you hear don't go looking for Filius Black".Black was a prisoner at the Wizard prison Azkaban."Why would I go looking for a criminal Sir?" offered Harry hesitantly....."Do you know why he was in prison lad?Black was jailed bacause he was guilty of plagarizing your parents' papers and when he was done with them , he infected them with Voldemort.Now the rumours have it that Lily and James left their last , unpublished manuscript with you .Thats what he's after!..That and any data you may have..Have you even begun working yet?".....Mind caught up in knots ,Harry stepped onto the train...and soon left the station and Mr.Weasley behind.....

Harry,Hermione and Ron squeezed into an empty compartment.Harry ,couldn't take it any more..he burst out ,telling them the story.Suddenly , a noise stopped him mid sentence..What is that? Who is that? There was a man, wrapped tightly in his cloak,fast asleep,his trunk at his feet."Well thats Rhino Lupin , of course", said Hermione,indicating the protocol book sticking out of his trunk..The journey continued..and Harry and Ron were arguing ..Wii vs Xbox..while Hermione indulged in'light'reading...Suddenly, the compartment went dark..the air went damp and smelt foul...Lupin was up in a flash...Looking around the compartment wildly he said."Contaminators....you kids stay down!"Lupin cautiously slid the door open and waving his wand at the dark shape shouted,"Performo Decontamum!"....Slowly the compartment returned to normal...All except Harry, who had passed out.He had an extremely strong sense of smell....

Once back at school..the trio were too busy to think! Classes ..tests....homework..and a new addition this year.Lab rotations !! The third years raced around talking to their seniors..gleaning any information they could."He lets his students graduate in 5 years..with papers!...This one is a terror.He expects you to work weekends and on the 29th of Feb too...But this one supports the Chudley Cannons...and on it went..

A new class they were all taking this year was - Public health and Intervention taught by Variable Trelawney."Argh this is awful..all we do is observe something and then describe it...no experimentation..nothing"said Harry, shaking his head angrily."Yeah...plus we have all this terri ble regression models..and predictions..god!"...Ron piped in..Hermione turned to Variable ,"Professor, how are we to learn anything , if all we do is predict and observe and describe?"..."Ahh dear...I'm not sure if you have the gift ( or patience)...This is wondeful science!".."Science..???" shrieked Hermione,"This is less scientific than a crystal ball.." And off she stormed..

On the contrary they thoroughly enjoyed their classes with Lupin.He was doing Boggarts with them this week.These shape shifters went through multiple stages before a spell would finally finish them off...Much like a retrovirus..The worst thing about the Boggart though, was its ability to sense a person's fear .During exams ,therefore, Boggarts were a favourite of all teachers..telling them exactly what to trouble their pupil with.. Lupn enjoyed immense favour as a teacher...however Snape put an end to his popularity..he let slip ( oh-so-accidently) that Lupin had been infected with the Wizovirus, one that infects a wizard , rendering him unwell at the time of Lab meetings.The only cure was a tall glass of Tequila and to retire for the day.( Naturally this made Lupin even more popular with his Grad students..but thats another story! )

After a bout of sickness...Lupin was hungry to start work again.Needing ,new literature he set off to PubMed, the treasury of all things scientific.He stared intently at the shelf...trying to find what he wanted...Suddenly his eye caught on a paper,..Second author,Peter Pettigrew..But that's impossible..Didn't Black kill him? ..hmm but PubMed never lies...

He hurried back to Hogwarts ...to find Black sitting (oh-so-calmy) on his couch."Filius...what are you doing here?..." "Oh come on..you don't believe that I stole their work do you? It was Peter..surely you know that!,.replied Black;.fixing him with an unblinking stare...Before he could say anything else,Harry burst into Lupin's office.."Professor ", he began,"I wanted to talk to you about doing a Lab rotation with you..What..is that Filius Black..?"..."Now Harry, it's not like you think...I thought too, till very recently that Black here had stolen your parents work and then killed them when he got what he wanted.But then, I happened to see a new paper in JBC by Peter Pettigrew..then it all made sense to me.Peter was not dead..he was alive and still publishing!It was Peter who stole your parents work Harry, it was he who had them killed too.All this while he has been playing host to Voldemort.Voldemort was his secret keeper..and hence no one knows that he has been staying at PubMed all this time...!"....

Harry looked over at Black..still a little disbelieving.Lupin raced out of the door to try and capture Pettigrew..."Hmm...Harry before Lily and James died, they asked me to be your Co-PI...now I understand if under the circumstances...",he trailed off a uncertainly." Yes...of course, I'd love to have you guide me!" ,so saying Harry jumped up and hugged Black.

Dampening this happy scence however, Lupin returned to report that Pettigrew had managed to escape."We'll find him"..said Harry determinedly...Hermione and Ron,having arrived a few minutes earlier shook their heads in agreement.They looked around the room contentedly..smiling at each other.The reverie was broken.."Oh no! I have lab meeting!"...and Hermione was off in a flash....


Hmmm so we are getting to halfway through Grad School here...Hopefully!

Eyes tuned for more...

PS...acknowledgements at this point include patient Mosi who serves as an excellent bouncing board for my ideas!

Don't Cry

Oops I did it again!!!!......Sitting around..one gloomy day ( Hmmm whoever thought that Africa was gloomy...how come they don't show you this on NatGeo!! Hmph!) ..Here I was all prepared...body groaning under the weight of millions of lil sunscreen bottles...when ....ta-da the sun disappears.

So all bored..and gloomy too..Here's what my twisted mind came up with.....from deep within its recess...

Don't Cry .......



Talk to me softly..
Else you'll wake up the mice
Hope there's power tomorrow,
And please don't cry
I know how your freezer's fried
I've been there before
Somethin is growing inside too
And you just dont know..

Don't you cry tonight
The Shaker's still working baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's still a roof above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Four times through the filter
And the water is fine
Run me an ELISA before you
Tell me goodbye
The water is still so hard now
But its only Calcium and sand
The reader's on the blink too
Oh the times it worked...baby

And Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's still a roof above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that my hands are tied
And please remember
The vial's empty inside now honey
You can make the enzyme your own way
Bet you wished your salary was larger
You'll feel better tomorrow
No flood in sight now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's still a roof above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Results maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight.

Warriers' African Abode....

I'm back...after a hiatus...Thought I'd kick start this year with a literary masterpiece....I did..( I'm still reading it...!) Anyway after shaking off spying Mosi...I'm clicking away in peace!!!

Anwyay..so it has been an eventful week so far...We finally found a house.Of course , like everything else in good old Lusaka , seemingly routine things take an appallingly long time.The said house..is beautiful...with shiny black floor tiles...so shiny I can see my face in it...Good thing...?
So the story leading up to this house is certainly as entertaining as since the Warriers took up residence...

The earlier tenant..a bossy lady, was to move out of this house and we ( happy as a pie ) were to move in in November last year.What do you know..but bossy lady decides she doesn't want to go! She gets an injuntion saying she doesn't have to leave till December..What I wailed..I need a house pronto lady!Anyway...once the hammer sounded...heralding in a leaving date...there was a definite spring to my step..Me and Mosi stopped by the house for a viewing..and walk through.Bossy lady gave us one..in two minutes flat.She kept up a mournful spiel .."this is the kitchen ( duh...there's a cooker and refrigerator lady!! ) ..This is the study..this is the bath..( duh ??) and thats the front door.The only change of expression she allowed herself was when she remarked maliciously ,"oh yes..try asking the landlord...He never gets things done!"..Well did I mention that the lady hadn't paid rent in 6 months....Hmm and the landlord isn't helpful...gasp!!!
Ah me...my naivete was at its best that day...I looked at her garden and smiled at her adding,"You have a beautiful garden, such pretty flowers..." , she ( of Best hostess award fame ) spitefully shot back,"They're all mine, I'm taking them with me...don't think I'm leaving them behind"..So does that mean we aren't on the new year party invite list??

Anyway...so after this drama blew itself out..and carried bossy lady over the threshold with it..We moved in...you'd think that was the end of the drama, fat chance with me around!

Moving day dawned bright and clear...I was positively gushing about the space my new kitchen proffers...A step of salsa here...a swish of rhumba..and a delicate waltz there...Thus dancing around , I approached Mr Dishwasher Warrier and remarked all sunny, " So nice to have all this light shining through...so great to see the greeeee...."Of course that's an odd word...One of the kitchen cabinets had chosen that moment during my sunny speech to hurtle itself off its hinges and fling itself edge first on my toe..Arghh...I hopped around the kitchen trying to ease the pain....New dance move anyone?

So our first night in the new house....Mosi surprised me with a bottle of great wine...and two long stemmed wine glasses to go with.There we sat..all posh sipping on our Shiraz ( a great bottle Mosi!).The conversation got more passionate as the wine level dipped., when suddenly Crash!, our kitchen door slammed shut.As we bolted up from the chairs we were so lazily draped on, the house was plunged into sudden darkness...power out! We raced into the black kitchen,only to see the door partially open , and torrents of rain gushing into my spotless as a baby's butt kitchen...It was horrific..the water snaked through the kitchen into my hall...and settled into satisfied pools in the hall...growing fatter with every new gust of wind! Wailing in despair, only to be drowned out by the howling storm, I sank to my knees ( in prayer?..not!) mopping and wringing in quick, mechanical succession!..My thriftiness was out on full display...Not wanting to get all the wiping cloths dirty , I was frantically wiping and wringing the same little red cloth.Watching my arms moving at breakneck speed and only partially controlled by still fuming brain, my husband gently suggested I add another cloth to my artillery!

And the final straw ? ...well, this morning I was hanging up the curtains...Each window..I put up the solid curtains...then the sheers..and then stepped back to sigh..My number obsessed husband ,who only last night was adroitly balancing dinner in one hand while using the other to research DVD region unlocking codes, walked in.Immersed in a manual on camera lenses ( that shoot scary numbers like 2.5x,18-55 crvfx at you when you least expect them), looked up casually and said, "Mrs...They gypped you at the curtain place...those ones arent very good.They're letting light in..why are they so thin?", following that with a more urgent,Wait! Why are you banging your head on the wall?"......

The Warriers have arrived at Crossroads!

Harry Potter and the Innoculum of secrets

" Not today..not today", pleaded Harry silently...Too late..he saw a brown owl come swooping in..."Maybe if I can hurry upstairs..""Come here boy",howled Uncle Vernon.."What is this...barely passed your qualifiers?",his face was an unbelievably bright shade of purple...."I am going to have to ground you for this.No visits...no visiting..You aren't going anywhere".So saying he boarded up the windows on Harry's room."Cluck", Hedwig expressed her annoyance also...tut-tut not doing well on Qualifiers..what is to become of this lad?
A few hours later...a car screeched to a halt..where else but outside Harry's window."Hurry up..you think we have all night..?",laughed George.Trunk aboard,owl aboard they dragged Harry through the window..not soon enough though, he was granted one last luxury look at Uncle Vernon's purple face.....Ahhhh freedom ...
Back at the Burrow..and a few high pitched words later...off they set to Diagon Alley.Being an old wizarding family...Ron's bunch travelled by 'Flu' powder.If not used properly it guaranteed its user a nasty cold..brrr..Harry stepped into the grate,somewhat shakily he muttered,"Diagonally?"...and he landed with a thud in the middle of the street...ears ringing,throat scratching and nose dripping....
Once the lot had caught up to him ( albeit no nose drips here) , they hurried into Flavi and Bacillli for books."Ahhh...who have we here...Harry Potter! Come to the front boy, lucky you, get a picture with me",beamed Geminiroy Lockhart swishing his aqua robes.Geminiroy,the author of 60 papers and three books,claimed that he was a Nobel consideree( for structure of Bacteriophage no less...although we all know who claims that one....that's for another day!)
The rest of the summer passed quickly enough...and after losing his millionth game of Wizard's chess ( Why do they do that???) they headed on their way to Hogwarts.
During their first class of Herbology and Microbes ,Prof.Fungus Sprout had them changing the media for Mandrakes.This was tricky business , Mandrakes liked their old,moldy media and shrieked when they were uprooted!In Transfiguration , Infectswitch McGonagall had them changing petri dishes to Wine goblets,Ron's wine goblet still had a plastic lid on top.When she saw them giggle, she offered furiously,"I don't know why none of you ( except you Hermione) take their classes seriously.You need to pick your prelim committee very soon, and I'll be surprised if any of you get through"..the bell rang....
One day as Harry was walking back to his common room ( Retroviridae) struggling with one book,three culture flasks and a reagent bottle, he heard a voice...it seemed to be coming from within the walls..."What is an example from Nidovirales ? "...it rasped....Shook up ( partly because he couldn't answer it) Harry raced after the source of the voice...HE charged down the corridor, stopping short of a pool of water and writing on the wall.."The Innoculum of secrets has been opened...enemies of the Virion beware.." But what does that mean..wondered Harry aloud."My flasks..they have been contaminated...There is something moldy floating in it.."shrieked Justin..."But it wasn't me ", stuttered Harry.Glucose Snape swept forward,his hooked nose and oily hair framing his ugly face."This is the work of a clever being...only a virus could pull this off...Surely Potter is not capable of it"...Phew thanks Snape breathed Harry silently!
Over the next few weeks...The voices from the walls grew clearer..."What is the purpose of your proposed study?How will you prove that this mutant is viable?Why not use a Togavirus?".......Harry couldn't explain it...why could no one else hear the voices?
During a particularly hard class of Transfiguration...McGonagall had them trying to switch mutants back to wild type..."Revertase" said Hermione..and with a flick of her wrist the bacterium vanished from the Amp+ plate,"It's not a good sign Harry..even in our world.Hearing voices is something only senile scientests suffer from"...
The attacks from the Innoculum only got worse..People's plates vanished, their medium would turn up cloudy,primers disappeared...the last straw was when a -20 went missing.."That's it ..we have to do something"...thought Harry,Ron and Hermione...
"So you only hear these voices at the end of the day..only you hear them..and they only ask you about your project proposal...."muttered Hermione..."I think Harry, that the voices you keep hearing are your prelim committee..and you're only hearing them because naturally, you aren't prepared.."Despite this grave warning from Hermione they decided to go ahead with finding and destroying the Innoculum.
Having had enough of Lockhart's continous boasting they cornered him into coming with them.They set off in search of the chamber where all the destruction was coming from ......BSL3!"Get us in Harry..", Harry placed him left forefinger on the fingerpad..and the door whirred open..Lockhart had had enough he grabbed Ron's wand and shouted " Obliviate"...sadly for him the wand was pointed the wrong way and the spell backfired...Memory totally erased..he looked around cheerily.."Odd sort of place..who lives here?,What is that pink fluid ?Why is that room dark?"...They nudged him on..and walked deeper into the facility.Who should they run into there but Harry's prelim committee.He had been warned by seniors,"Don't look into the eyes of your committee,They are pure poision...they only flee from all-correct answers!".Mockingly the students of Hogwarts referred to them as 'The Basilisk'...Harry mumbled something about being busy and raced into the room marked 'Infectious Agents'
There inside a hood he saw it...a shining flask of devious culture.He capped and gowned and did a quick plaque assay to ensure this was their target..."Aha..zone of clearance, I knew it"..I have to destroy it...he pointed his wand and yelled " Decontamiarmus"...the flask flew up into the air,spun around...and words issued from it, "Ahh dear boy ,you can't kill me that easily..I mutate to save myself..you will see me again...in another form.." And the flask vanished.
Harry returned to his friends and one babbling Nobel consideree..He had defeated the Innoculum ..for now.
His prelim committee had watched the whole thing..from the sidelines.They nodded in agreement...and announced that they considered him passed.."Phew", said Harry, shaking his head..
Now his only other challenge was to return to Poxet Drive and explain to purple Uncle Vernon that he was back for the summer....

Harry Potter and the Virologist's Core

I was up late last night..So excited about the new developments in the world of Virology..Hogwarts ( of prior Witchcraft and Wizardry fame and prolonged NIH funding) has announced its foray into Virology,offering a Graduate Program in Virology...Here is the website...( click on the image for a larger view)



I think this is how a typical graduate degree at Hogwarts would play out..

Year One : Harry Potter and the Virologist's Core

"Hmmm civil engineering or mechanical ?",thought Harry Potter aloud one Sunday morning.He was going back and forth between the two.He was eleven and it time to decide a course for the future...of course a lot of his friends had lost interest in the future..but not he,he was a survivor!
"Hmm what's this..a letter addressed to me..Hogwarts School of Witchcraft...", he trailed off riping the envelope and greedily snatching up the letter..."Dear Mr.Potter" it began.."We are pleased to announce your admission to Hogwarts School of Microbiology for the Fall term of 2008.We received a large number of qualified applicants this year.However our genetic screening system picked you after a careful review of your parents accomplishments in the field.Drs Potter were posthumously awarded the "Viral Wand" , the highest honour our school confers.
Kindly respond to this letter by Owl no later than April 31st.Our mailing address is:
Hogwarts School Of Microbiology
Rhabdo Drive,
Corona,
Streptomerica.

Giddy with excitement ,dulled only by a little shock,"I thought they bulit bridges..and died under a bridge collapse...",Harry dashed off a letter to Hogwarts.Smug with satisfaction..he busied himself with the requirement list.
Wand - 1
Gown/Robe -2
Gloves - 4 boxes
Chemical glasses - 2 pairs
Booties - 2 pairs
Introduction to Microbiology - Part I

July rolled in and Harry boarded the train to Hogwarts....Glasses fogged with excitement he began his long journey to Graduate School.

" Welcome to Hogwarts ", a booming voice greeted Harry and his class at the door..." You will now proceed to be sorted..."Expecting a challenging Microbiology question,Harry was petrified,A fellow classmate however remarked in a loud , bossy voice,"Of course I know all the spells and I spent a whole week on Virus classification!"
His class was sorted into 4 houses..Slytherin ( Salmonella was their common room),Hufflepuff(Blue green alga was theirs),Ravenclaw(Saccharomyces) and Gryffindor ( Retroviridae)....Harry found himself in Gryffindor...along with afore mentioned bossy voiced girl!

Monday morning dawned bright and early..and Harry struggled with his gown,almost tripping at the self sealing door to Microbiology class.

"Welcome to Microbiology 501 and 3/4 ", remarked their rather strange-looking professor.Staggering under the weight of his Gown, he had a large backpack on his back."This course will have several modules and I,Professor Antiviral , will teach , Defence against the Dark Arts.A ripple of excitement went through the class...and a pale faced Slytherin ( Malfoy) remarked ," I have been preparing for this class since I was seven".
"Our first class will be to learn how to track deadly Microbes.All slytherins will be the target Microbes and the other three will try to track them down.(" Not destroy ?" , asked Ron Weasely , another Gryffindor,hopefully.) " Remember tracking Microbes is serious business.Many good Wizards have been lost to them.Why only recently, Amelia Bones was admitted to St.Mungo's with a mysterious Immunity crippling Virus"..having said Professor Antiviral flagged off the class with a final,"Wands at the ready..." comment...

Harry found himself daydreaming during "Herbology and Microbes", a not-particularly interesting class taught by Professor Fungus Sprout..Seated at the next table,playing truant during class too were the infamous Slytherin gang.Malfoy,the gang head was saying rather pompously,"Of course father was the first to be informed.They think the mystery virus is trying to seek out Mudbloods in search of that special Reverse Mud-transcriptase.Then its DNA can integrate into that disgusting species and live on immortal...Father thinks ,and I agree, that I should help with the Virus-quest..and aid it in its Noble mission".Harry was alarmed..."How come I know nothing of this.Cool...a mystery Retrovirus..that's right up my alley!"He glanced around his table..who could he share this with?Ron perhaps..and maybe bushy-haired Know-it-all..After all .she did Know-it - all!!!

A few weeks into the semester after a particularly hard class of Microbial transfiguration.(Professor Infectswitch McGonagall had them learning spells to transfigure deadly bacteria into their own phages."None of that silly hand waving here,none of that woolly occult,this calls for sheer concentration",she remarked sternly), they were in for a surprise...a Guest lecturer! None other than the famous Microbiologist,Nicolas Flammel..."Good morning First years...",sounded his gravelly voice."I am here to tell you a bit more about the Magic of Cloning.Now,this is not like Undergrad , where I will give you all the answers.Grad school is designed to make you think.To think beyond the restraints of your spell books".Having said he looked around the class."Hmmm is that the Potter boy,how like his father he looks..I wonder if he has his prodigious talent too?"Nostalgia clouded his aging brain..and he remarked,"Ahh..back in the day we celebrated the advent of Ligase-free cloning.You youngsters are a spoilt bunch...vector-free cloning!! All you need do is learn the precise wand movement, and Hey presto! clones in your petri!"The wand movement however turned out to be anything but simple.A challenging grasp of the wand with the 4 fingers of the hand( barring the thumb) and the motion of moving the thumb down onto the wand(For older students,this was referred to as the 'pipetting hold') while enunciating clearly,'Expecto clonum'....Severely beaten at the grasp( Hermione was the only student to have achieved it correctly,earning Gryffindor a new PCR machine) ,Harry and Ron trudged out of class.

On the way back to Retroviridae, they noticed their least favourite Professor,Glucose Snape speaking in hushed tones with Professor Antiviral.Snape, took great delight in humiliating Harry in every class of Potions and Media making.Harry ,Ron and Hermione snuck behind a pillar to listen in."I don't know what to do.I am so scared to carry it around...what if it infects me?" quivered professor Antiviral.Snape replied,curling his lip in disdain,"Surely you know the properties of the Virus,Antiviral?..Unless I am to assume you are mixed blood".Antiviral looked more alarmed at that suggestion than at the prospect of his supposed infection.Snape looked around,"It's not the best place to talk about this...let's go into my chambers"...with a flash of his gown...he and Antiviral disappeared from view.

"They are talking about the mystery Virus...I bet they know where it is...",muttered Ron excitedly."Of course you realise that this means Snape is involved in its safe-keeping",said Hermione, a tad pompously."We need to do something,just last week,Parvati was taken away to St.Mungo's ...",said Harry.And off they went in search of the mystery virus.

Being a reputed School of Microbiology, they expected Hogwarts to have every measure of protection in place.They were not disappointed.Password protected doors,Hermione broke through the spells...A giant chess game played with Bacteria as black and Viruses as white,Ron exchanged his Sindbis for another Ebola, and checkmated the opponent's E.coli.The next task to overcome was a Virus Classification Quiz...Hermione aced it ( after a weeks preparation mind!)..and finally the last task...Tracking down deadly bacteria.This was the only subject that Harry excelled at.Keenly observing all the clues, he pronounced the enemy to be 'Streptococcus pyogenes',and prescribed antibiotics for it.As he uttered the last syllable of his cure,the door swung open.....

He was face to face with Professor Antiviral..."You!" they both remarked at the same instant.."Maybe I can use you to get past this darn mirror",said the agitated professor.The Mirror of Erised, would only help those who wished to find the virus to destroy it.Professor Antiviral who was hoping to find a way to infect more Mudbloods had had no luck with the Mirror.He pushed Harry in front of the mirror.Harry saw the cell culture flask containing the Virus inside the Professor's back pack...

"Accio backpack",yelled Harry, at the same moment as Antiviral yelled,"Micro Kedavra".The combined spells hit the backpack that was still in midair.The combination spell somehow mutated the virus...and it now infected Professor Antiviral.."My hands...my face..my eyes"..he screamed in anguish..as he slowly began to fade from view...Harry was left alone in the room.

The headmaster,Albus Microdore boomed,"For sheer bravery and immense courage,I now pronounce Gryffindor the House Flask winner..I think a new -80 'C is in order"..so saying he clapped his gown-ed hands and a gleaming new RevCo appeared in the hall.Harry thought back at the last few days.After he ,Ron and Hermione had destroyed the flask with the virus..exam week had begun.He had botched his Microbiology practical ( 503 and 1/2) because the staircase leading to the Lab dungeon had chosen that very moment to switch courses.He was nervous about how he had done.Ahh well..The results wouldn't be out for another month..

Hugging his friends goodbye,he thought,"Wouldn't it be fun to set up my own Virology lab in the basement ?"...but the restriction of Underage Magic forbade them from any such thing...Hmm...

That was the first year of Graduate School....Once the results are out..I will chronicle the second year..'Harry Potter and the Innoculum of Secrets'

Note : Thanks to Mosi for help with the technical 'stuff'..I am hopeless with all that!

Hotel Lusaka.....( What are you waiting for...come visit!!! )

Ahh...so me and Mosi...just came off a nice,long lazy weekend ( what another one? ) Anyway..two virologists cooped in a room, no viruses to tinker with,no lab to play in, no chemicals to start a fire with...Give us a break..we had to do something 'Creative' !!!!!!! Here goes....

Hotel Lusaka ( sing to the tune of 'Hotel California'...duh!! )

On the Long Great East highway,
Lots of dust in my hair,
Warm smell of Nshima,
Rising up through the air.

Up ahead in the distance,
I saw the usual sight,
Four minibuses caused a traffic jam,
I had to stop for the light.

There he stood on the roadway,
With talk-time to sell,
I was thinking to myself,
Do I need MTN or Celtel?

Then he lit up a candle,
And he began to sway,
Oliver Tukutzi playing in my car,
Thought I heard them say...

Chorus
Welcome to the Hotel Lusaka,
Such a lovely place,Such a lovely place,
There's hardly any room at the Hotel Lusaka,
Any time of year,
Unless you have money, my dear.

Now she works at Immigration,
She's got a Mercedes Benz,
She's got a lot of pretty,pretty toys
From the Asians she befriends.

Some Work in Luanshya,
Down in the copper mines,
Some work in Lusaka,
For when we want to dine.

So I called the waiter,
"Please bring me my wine",
He said,
"There's a guy waiting for his food,
Since 1969 ".

And hungry voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say..

Welcome to .. ( chorus)

Cracks in the ceiling,
Rooms overrun by mice,
She said,
We are doing our best here
But the management lies.

And in the boss' chambers,
Gathered for the meet,
The power blew with no warning,
They couldn't see the Excel sheet.

Last thing I remember,
Is fumbling for the door,
I had to find some sanity,
In the place I was before.

"Good night", said Facilites,
We are away on leave,
"You can order any time you like,
But you'll never receive."

And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say.

Welcome to... ( chorus)

Another edition of TIA folks.....I promise as long as I'm here...the "hits just keep on coming!"

So....instead of doing HIV research..maybe I can get a CD together .Here's one of my favourites...( from Mosi's blog).. and the other one I did...3 to a CD..probably not...But there's plenty of inspiration here!

Lyricist required...Anu Malik is on the loose!!!

So , as we were driving back from lunch..I peered out of the window, " Dekho barish ho rahi hai'...for non-hindi speakers..no worries , Anu Malik was kind enough to translate,"It's raining,It's raning,It's rain..ing!"...And then ..My heart did in fact start paining...It's that time of the week again..the days when Anu Malik ,smug as a pumpkin,sits himself in the chair marked 'judge' ( not discard mind!) and spouts arrogant nonsense to talented youngsters! He uses words like "riyaaz","Antara"and "mukhada"..the three hindi words he has learnt..or Javed Akhtar coached him into using!
So why has no contestant told him that obviously his advice is a joke? How does he keep a straight face when he tells a contestant,"the bar has been raised"..perhaps we must take it that he has slipped through;under it ? If I was on the show...I would have sung a song by the great Anu-ji ,if only to watch Javed saab's face crunch in pain.Ahh the murder of Hindi is so brutal!Not to mention the '2 -for -the-price-of-one' jarring of ear drums! Dhol baje anyone? Of course we needn't quake with fear each time he threatens to 'direct' music for a film.Most often, the music is hummable and non-Anu-ish! ....because it isnt ...!
The dark,rain cloud filled sky makes the trees look so dramatic.The colours look wonderfully intense..Speaking of colours...ahh memories of Holi back home! And of course Malik ji's utterly fogettable ( but insanely entertaining) ..."Do me a favour..let's play Holi", ..do me a favour...let's not!! Rainy days..and hot chai.Such synonyms.Until the happy association was ruined by another off key song..."Ek garam chai ki pyaali ho"...the tea turned cold and the flies grew old..Are you serious Anu Malik?
So the mobile phone craze has hit young India..from my Sabziwala to pensive Dhirubhai..everyone sported one!Must technology be an excuse for this torture..." What is mobile number ?"....how many girls gave you their numbers Anu?You mean they weren't woo-ed by the oh-so-romantic,"Shut up, Aa Nachle?"..I for one am shocked! But I guess if "Aila re,Ladki mast" didn't do it.Hmph picky girls these days!
So of course the rains bring illness with them.Our lyrical genius, has a panacea.Turn it into an awful song..."She gives me fever"...not Ebola Anu?Meanwhile as Indian Idol ( with bar raised!) races towards a nail biting finale..Anu Malik seems not to care about who the next Idol will be ( gasp!..I mean our lives depend on it.Who will sing me out of electricity,phone and water troubles?Oh wait this isn't a post about all that!)I think he is happy that he is famous..( enough so to have his picture punched on a punching bag...)..he seems to hum..After all," Mein Mila...tu Mili"!!!
Enough of this inane ranting!We demand lyrics! We insist on good singing!Why should we be subjected to a new generation of torturous singers,because the only people they found to judge the show are a wannabe singer,a model-turned -actress( but of course) who faces accent slippage and confusion therefore and a yesteryear beauty known for her legs..Don't mind!We still watch it though...reminiscent of McGonagall's wait on a wall for a new Saviour!..Of course...I'm still allowed to diss 'Anu crap-ik or perhaps Dunno Malik'...After all..."Kya Kool hain hum" !!!

Another day in Paradise..

Having lived here for a little over three months..hardly makes me an expert on Lusaka.But..I do have a lot of time on my hands..since Immigration refuses to give me a work permit..and obviously hires snails as go betweens in all their offices.Perhaps this is a good strategy..I threaten to continue writing till my permit is sanctioned....Man behind counter number 11..are you listening...Maybe I should sing too..??

( Sing to tune of Another day in Paradise, Phil Collins )

She calls out to the man at the bench
Sir can you help me?
I've been waiting all day for my lunch
Is there someone who can serve me?

He walks on , doesn't look back
Pretends he cant hear too,
Smiles and talks to the girl at the bar
Forgets to bring back a menu

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in Paradise
oh think twice, its just another day for you
You and me in Paradise.

She calls out to the man on the phone
He thinks she's been crying
The line starts to crackle and die down
She can't hear,but she's trying.

Oh think twice.....

Oh Sata,is there nothing more anybody can do,
Oh Banda there must be something you can say

You can tell from the look on his face
You can see you'll be back again
Probably didn't fit any of the tires right
oh you know its a trip again.

Oh think twice....

Of Spinning classes and Chocolate Sundaes!

So I recently got a hookah as a gift.In keeping with the whole atmosphere , a friend suggested that I learn how to belly dance.That might seem like a normal suggestion..but in my land of plenty ( read GluteasCopious - from Asterix and Co.) ,it was horrifying!
Can you imagine me doing a belly dance..good lord...all seductive images of such activity must immediately be replaced with scene of fat girl jiggling generous belly at curious music( remember Maiya Maiya from Guru ???) haha.!! Perhaps the scene would be more suitable as an advert for a local Gym, promising to reduce aforementioned belly
Speaking of gym however..My new husband and I have joined gym, rather ambitiously for three months.We have been going two days and enjoy it so far lets see how long the cheer continues.The thought being that each of us can motivate the other...of course neither of us have gotten to what will happen in a month.Long day...Who me? I have to do the cooking? Maybe we don't have the time for Gym anymore, or better yet, if I don't cook, and we don't eat anymore, we don't need gym ! What say hubby dear? ...Are you there??
Let me introduce more complications ..since of course we are appallingly low on those. Apparently he is some Schwarzzanger clone who builds muscle in two weeks.This will of course promise to irk me no end,as no matter how many torturous hours I spend at gym,sweating nobody's business loads,and cursing and swearing at all the fries that I have recently consumed;none of that wants to budge.I must therefore assume that I am an extremely good host , capable of making all feel at home.And never to be threatened by the fear of being lost by hours spent on a treadmill!
Yesterday was spinning class..which meant that we sat ourselves down on a cycle...comfortable because of ample rear padding,and cycle for 45 minutes.Now don't be fooled into thinking that is an easy task and I'm a wimp.While the latter might be true yet,there is this terrible moment when the instructor yells "Up!!!""...now I thought ( with a sigh of relief ) that he meant we were to go off scampering on our lil way..And here i was all smug ,"See, I can handle any class they throw at me !!! "I looked around the class , with grand visuals of the whole class applauding my supreme fitness , on my first day!What I saw instead, all my co-sufferers , standing up on the pedals, and cycling furiously.Since Mr Fat-Buster at the front was making no motion to correct them, was I to assume that this was part of the torture routine?
So up I stood.Pray, Id be willing to stand a thousand hours on plane ground, having been through that!Grrr....Since I had been bad," One large plate of fries please, extra crisp!! " , I deserved what came next.Fat-Buster clad in impossibly tight lycra thundered,"Sprint!"..Hmm isn't that something you do off a bicycle, me wonders ?Nonetheless,spurred on by my brave classmates, I sprinted!! And how! Now all manner of language that they definitely don't endorse in Disney films ensued, and after much groaning the clock finally ticked to the end of class..
I hobbled out on weary legs to be met by the man I married,lifting weights with a smile...Hmm who does that? As we walked out, me drenched in sweat, and cherry pink to boot, accompanied by aforementioned smiling guy,humming a tune for effect, the receptionist gave me a pity head-shake! "Yeah, I'll show you...I will be back..But not anytime soon!"
Anyway....I congratulated myself on making it through two whole days.1/3.5 of a week!! Well done!How did I seal my dedication to the whole fitness jamboree ? Well I blogged about it of course..and dug into a Triple Chocolate Sundae...( psst only to keep my resolve to work out strong! ) Oh well...I'm in a good mood!