Saturday, November 29, 2008

Harry Potter and the Innoculum of secrets

" Not today..not today", pleaded Harry silently...Too late..he saw a brown owl come swooping in..."Maybe if I can hurry upstairs..""Come here boy",howled Uncle Vernon.."What is this...barely passed your qualifiers?",his face was an unbelievably bright shade of purple...."I am going to have to ground you for this.No visits...no visiting..You aren't going anywhere".So saying he boarded up the windows on Harry's room."Cluck", Hedwig expressed her annoyance also...tut-tut not doing well on Qualifiers..what is to become of this lad?
A few hours later...a car screeched to a halt..where else but outside Harry's window."Hurry up..you think we have all night..?",laughed George.Trunk aboard,owl aboard they dragged Harry through the window..not soon enough though, he was granted one last luxury look at Uncle Vernon's purple face.....Ahhhh freedom ...
Back at the Burrow..and a few high pitched words later...off they set to Diagon Alley.Being an old wizarding family...Ron's bunch travelled by 'Flu' powder.If not used properly it guaranteed its user a nasty cold..brrr..Harry stepped into the grate,somewhat shakily he muttered,"Diagonally?"...and he landed with a thud in the middle of the street...ears ringing,throat scratching and nose dripping....
Once the lot had caught up to him ( albeit no nose drips here) , they hurried into Flavi and Bacillli for books."Ahhh...who have we here...Harry Potter! Come to the front boy, lucky you, get a picture with me",beamed Geminiroy Lockhart swishing his aqua robes.Geminiroy,the author of 60 papers and three books,claimed that he was a Nobel consideree( for structure of Bacteriophage no less...although we all know who claims that one....that's for another day!)
The rest of the summer passed quickly enough...and after losing his millionth game of Wizard's chess ( Why do they do that???) they headed on their way to Hogwarts.
During their first class of Herbology and Microbes ,Prof.Fungus Sprout had them changing the media for Mandrakes.This was tricky business , Mandrakes liked their old,moldy media and shrieked when they were uprooted!In Transfiguration , Infectswitch McGonagall had them changing petri dishes to Wine goblets,Ron's wine goblet still had a plastic lid on top.When she saw them giggle, she offered furiously,"I don't know why none of you ( except you Hermione) take their classes seriously.You need to pick your prelim committee very soon, and I'll be surprised if any of you get through"..the bell rang....
One day as Harry was walking back to his common room ( Retroviridae) struggling with one book,three culture flasks and a reagent bottle, he heard a voice...it seemed to be coming from within the walls..."What is an example from Nidovirales ? "...it rasped....Shook up ( partly because he couldn't answer it) Harry raced after the source of the voice...HE charged down the corridor, stopping short of a pool of water and writing on the wall.."The Innoculum of secrets has been opened...enemies of the Virion beware.." But what does that mean..wondered Harry aloud."My flasks..they have been contaminated...There is something moldy floating in it.."shrieked Justin..."But it wasn't me ", stuttered Harry.Glucose Snape swept forward,his hooked nose and oily hair framing his ugly face."This is the work of a clever being...only a virus could pull this off...Surely Potter is not capable of it"...Phew thanks Snape breathed Harry silently!
Over the next few weeks...The voices from the walls grew clearer..."What is the purpose of your proposed study?How will you prove that this mutant is viable?Why not use a Togavirus?".......Harry couldn't explain it...why could no one else hear the voices?
During a particularly hard class of Transfiguration...McGonagall had them trying to switch mutants back to wild type..."Revertase" said Hermione..and with a flick of her wrist the bacterium vanished from the Amp+ plate,"It's not a good sign Harry..even in our world.Hearing voices is something only senile scientests suffer from"...
The attacks from the Innoculum only got worse..People's plates vanished, their medium would turn up cloudy,primers disappeared...the last straw was when a -20 went missing.."That's it ..we have to do something"...thought Harry,Ron and Hermione...
"So you only hear these voices at the end of the day..only you hear them..and they only ask you about your project proposal...."muttered Hermione..."I think Harry, that the voices you keep hearing are your prelim committee..and you're only hearing them because naturally, you aren't prepared.."Despite this grave warning from Hermione they decided to go ahead with finding and destroying the Innoculum.
Having had enough of Lockhart's continous boasting they cornered him into coming with them.They set off in search of the chamber where all the destruction was coming from ......BSL3!"Get us in Harry..", Harry placed him left forefinger on the fingerpad..and the door whirred open..Lockhart had had enough he grabbed Ron's wand and shouted " Obliviate"...sadly for him the wand was pointed the wrong way and the spell backfired...Memory totally erased..he looked around cheerily.."Odd sort of place..who lives here?,What is that pink fluid ?Why is that room dark?"...They nudged him on..and walked deeper into the facility.Who should they run into there but Harry's prelim committee.He had been warned by seniors,"Don't look into the eyes of your committee,They are pure poision...they only flee from all-correct answers!".Mockingly the students of Hogwarts referred to them as 'The Basilisk'...Harry mumbled something about being busy and raced into the room marked 'Infectious Agents'
There inside a hood he saw it...a shining flask of devious culture.He capped and gowned and did a quick plaque assay to ensure this was their target..."Aha..zone of clearance, I knew it"..I have to destroy it...he pointed his wand and yelled " Decontamiarmus"...the flask flew up into the air,spun around...and words issued from it, "Ahh dear boy ,you can't kill me that easily..I mutate to save myself..you will see me again...in another form.." And the flask vanished.
Harry returned to his friends and one babbling Nobel consideree..He had defeated the Innoculum ..for now.
His prelim committee had watched the whole thing..from the sidelines.They nodded in agreement...and announced that they considered him passed.."Phew", said Harry, shaking his head..
Now his only other challenge was to return to Poxet Drive and explain to purple Uncle Vernon that he was back for the summer....

11 comments:

mosilager said...

Good one, Iyer.

Capsids of Retroviridae, reveal your structure!!!!

Aneesh said...

really seriously you are amazing!
get your own domain and spread this stuff...
btw there is a fan following in my lab!

HellBound but Still Divine said...

ahhh... why did you post it, i already ordered my copy online !

shilpa said...

Mosi.thanks a ton partner!
Hhaha..revel your structure indeed!!! And ur drug susceptibility!

Aneesh....thanks a ton!!!!!You make me feel good! Haha...any chance ur lab mates want to leave comments too?

Hellbound..ahhh the owl post was suffering..Owls on strike! thought this was the best way to get it out!

Aneesh said...

will ask them to leave comments the next time....

shilpa said...

Aneesh...yes sir! do that!!!...
PS...Pondering the third in the series!

Scarecrow said...

Alright..I cant type much 'cause I'm rolling on the floor laughing hysterically!!...barely reached my keyboard for this....

shilpa said...

Scarecrow...you spoil me!!! Thanks a ton for the comments...Will be back with the third..I promise!

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