Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Harry Potter and the Plagarizer of Azkaban

"Where is that dratted boy? Each time the laundry is done...Poof he vanishes!", muttered Aunt Petunia viciously."Harryyyyy" , she cried...glaring out of the window.."Oh wait, they bought a new car?"...Hmm.and Harry was soon forgotten..as were the freshly washed clothes.

Harry,our favourite wizard kid was safely ensconced in the basement.He had had a close shave on his prelims and was desperately trying to work on some data to present at Lab meeting."Ahhh colonies", he remarked rather pleased,"Now if only the digests work too...""Harrryyyyyy", a second shout broke his gleeful spell.Flustered , he snapped off his small sized gloves and raced into the kitchen.Oops double gloves!! Peeling back the second layer he presented himself to his angry aunt..Dudley , in the meanwhile had discovered the 'secret ' Virology lab in the basement.Aha..he thought..he is going to be in duck soup!! "Mom....dadddd"....... Soon..muttering under his breath, desperately forcing his pipettes into a trunk and his glove box, Harry burst from the house.Under the street lamp he stood,adjusting his micropipette."Bang!"..a loud noise made his drop the pipette..Oh No!..Salmonella Shunpike peered out of a big purple bus, "Did you call for the bus?', he asked Harry.."Bus..??" asked Harry rather unsure.."Yes the Norwalk bus..for those who don't want to walk!"..and Harry was off.....

He got off on slightly shaky legs..Looking up he smiled..The Leaky Column...! He would be safe here for a little while.He was shown to a room,soon after all comfy on the bed he lazily flipped through the newest edition of Science."Harryy.." a scream startled him" Aunt Petunia? here?...Wait she sounds younger..".. Hermione flung herself on Harry, closely followed by Ron.."Heyyy you're here", Harry beamed at them...the rest of the summer was going to be perfect.

The two weeks sped by and soon it was time to leave for School.Mr.Weasley pulled Harry aside, "Harry despite what you hear don't go looking for Filius Black".Black was a prisoner at the Wizard prison Azkaban."Why would I go looking for a criminal Sir?" offered Harry hesitantly....."Do you know why he was in prison lad?Black was jailed bacause he was guilty of plagarizing your parents' papers and when he was done with them , he infected them with Voldemort.Now the rumours have it that Lily and James left their last , unpublished manuscript with you .Thats what he's after!..That and any data you may have..Have you even begun working yet?".....Mind caught up in knots ,Harry stepped onto the train...and soon left the station and Mr.Weasley behind.....

Harry,Hermione and Ron squeezed into an empty compartment.Harry ,couldn't take it any more..he burst out ,telling them the story.Suddenly , a noise stopped him mid sentence..What is that? Who is that? There was a man, wrapped tightly in his cloak,fast asleep,his trunk at his feet."Well thats Rhino Lupin , of course", said Hermione,indicating the protocol book sticking out of his trunk..The journey continued..and Harry and Ron were arguing ..Wii vs Xbox..while Hermione indulged in'light'reading...Suddenly, the compartment went dark..the air went damp and smelt foul...Lupin was up in a flash...Looking around the compartment wildly he said."Contaminators....you kids stay down!"Lupin cautiously slid the door open and waving his wand at the dark shape shouted,"Performo Decontamum!"....Slowly the compartment returned to normal...All except Harry, who had passed out.He had an extremely strong sense of smell....

Once back at school..the trio were too busy to think! Classes ..tests....homework..and a new addition this year.Lab rotations !! The third years raced around talking to their seniors..gleaning any information they could."He lets his students graduate in 5 years..with papers!...This one is a terror.He expects you to work weekends and on the 29th of Feb too...But this one supports the Chudley Cannons...and on it went..

A new class they were all taking this year was - Public health and Intervention taught by Variable Trelawney."Argh this is awful..all we do is observe something and then describe it...no experimentation..nothing"said Harry, shaking his head angrily."Yeah...plus we have all this terri ble regression models..and predictions..god!"...Ron piped in..Hermione turned to Variable ,"Professor, how are we to learn anything , if all we do is predict and observe and describe?"..."Ahh dear...I'm not sure if you have the gift ( or patience)...This is wondeful science!".."Science..???" shrieked Hermione,"This is less scientific than a crystal ball.." And off she stormed..

On the contrary they thoroughly enjoyed their classes with Lupin.He was doing Boggarts with them this week.These shape shifters went through multiple stages before a spell would finally finish them off...Much like a retrovirus..The worst thing about the Boggart though, was its ability to sense a person's fear .During exams ,therefore, Boggarts were a favourite of all teachers..telling them exactly what to trouble their pupil with.. Lupn enjoyed immense favour as a teacher...however Snape put an end to his popularity..he let slip ( oh-so-accidently) that Lupin had been infected with the Wizovirus, one that infects a wizard , rendering him unwell at the time of Lab meetings.The only cure was a tall glass of Tequila and to retire for the day.( Naturally this made Lupin even more popular with his Grad students..but thats another story! )

After a bout of sickness...Lupin was hungry to start work again.Needing ,new literature he set off to PubMed, the treasury of all things scientific.He stared intently at the shelf...trying to find what he wanted...Suddenly his eye caught on a paper,..Second author,Peter Pettigrew..But that's impossible..Didn't Black kill him? ..hmm but PubMed never lies...

He hurried back to Hogwarts ...to find Black sitting (oh-so-calmy) on his couch."Filius...what are you doing here?..." "Oh come on..you don't believe that I stole their work do you? It was Peter..surely you know that!,.replied Black;.fixing him with an unblinking stare...Before he could say anything else,Harry burst into Lupin's office.."Professor ", he began,"I wanted to talk to you about doing a Lab rotation with you..What..is that Filius Black..?"..."Now Harry, it's not like you think...I thought too, till very recently that Black here had stolen your parents work and then killed them when he got what he wanted.But then, I happened to see a new paper in JBC by Peter Pettigrew..then it all made sense to me.Peter was not dead..he was alive and still publishing!It was Peter who stole your parents work Harry, it was he who had them killed too.All this while he has been playing host to Voldemort.Voldemort was his secret keeper..and hence no one knows that he has been staying at PubMed all this time...!"....

Harry looked over at Black..still a little disbelieving.Lupin raced out of the door to try and capture Pettigrew..."Hmm...Harry before Lily and James died, they asked me to be your Co-PI...now I understand if under the circumstances...",he trailed off a uncertainly." Yes...of course, I'd love to have you guide me!" ,so saying Harry jumped up and hugged Black.

Dampening this happy scence however, Lupin returned to report that Pettigrew had managed to escape."We'll find him"..said Harry determinedly...Hermione and Ron,having arrived a few minutes earlier shook their heads in agreement.They looked around the room contentedly..smiling at each other.The reverie was broken.."Oh no! I have lab meeting!"...and Hermione was off in a flash....


Hmmm so we are getting to halfway through Grad School here...Hopefully!

Eyes tuned for more...

PS...acknowledgements at this point include patient Mosi who serves as an excellent bouncing board for my ideas!

8 comments:

Aneesh said...

"Performo Decontamum!" "Alive and publishing"!!! you get awesomer and awesomer. I'm actually thinking of naming a canteen "the leaky column".
Awesomely kewl posting man...

mosilager said...

Hilarious! You've done it again. As always my contribution consisted of a series of 'aha' and 'hmm' s... so no need for the credit :)

Mukta said...

hey! awesome post! really liked it...gets more and more entertaining :) :)

Scarecrow said...

Wow madame!!.... u r building up on the wit faster than JKR! brilliant... Salmonella Shunpike, Performo Decontamum had me laughing uncontrollably..... and a neat twist about the secret keeper..
and Co-PI??!....Oh my God!!

Ashwin Kelkar said...

this is fantastic !! performo decontamum.. I wish I had this spell in my tissue culture lab. This is sheer genius.. inspired brillance !! way to go..
you should actually send this to rowling to see if she likes it :D
my favourite was " he lets you graudate in 5 years.. with papers" :D LEaky column.. man you rock !!!

natasha said...

Hahaha :D Leaky column, double gloves an the boggart-a retrovirus! Too good woman..!! I'll soon be hooked on to the 'series' much like JKR's work..! ;)

Shalini said...

Shilps- mad as usual.

Shalini here

shilpa said...

Aneesh...thanks sir..I feed off praise!How is the canteen running?

Mosi...Thank you!I bug you!

Mukta..welcome !!! Thanks for the comment! Keep reading!!

Scarecrow..thanks sir!You humour me!!! thanks!!!

Ashwin ..thanks re! VEry high praise indeed!!! Hmm must work on the Decontamum spell..seems like that one has caught on!

Natasha..Thank you!! I'll be super happy if you're hooked to this series!

Shalini...welcome bacchii!!!! Hhha..what to do..I am like that only!